The Charisma Myth

Recently, I had the privilege to read this book. got the recommendation for the book from Marissa Meyer, ex CEO, Yahoo.

The most important learning from the book is that charisma is not innate. It can be learned just as Steve Jobs did. He developed charismatic leadership with time. Our body language is the most expressive instruments we have. In digital world we may fake listening. However, our body language will reveal the falseness to the other person. We cannot control tens and thousands of body language parameters in a moment. It’s kindness of the other person that s/he doesn’t say even after realising.

There are three ways to project the charisma. Foremost through the presence, by being present with the person. How often are we present in a conversation truly? Most of the time, our brain is wandering about something else. We pay attention only 50% of the time or maybe lower than that. When the other person realises that, might feel that we consider him/her as unimportant to us. Most of the time we end up picking the mobile devices. That’s another signal that someone or something on the phone is more important than the one in front of you. We do fake that we are 100% present. But the smart device, brain is so powerful that in a mere 17-32 milliseconds, it can observe other person’s falsehood. Be careful if you are faking, the other person in most of the cases knows the reality.

How do improve our attention? By simply looking at toes. Sounds weird but it really works. Do execute it next time when the mind is roaming here and there. Secondly, by focusing on the pupils of the speaker, discussed later how eye contact helps. Lastly, by focusing on the breathe.

Second way is power. Power doesn’t mean as in physical strength. It is more about the alpha Gorilla. When we see a Gorilla coming towards us, who is projecting power, we simply keep ourselves aside from the path. Power allows us to occupy more space and improve the body postures too. At times when we are in flight or fight mode, our cognitive reasoning doesn’t function. At those times we just want to keep ourselves alive in the time of crisis. But without rationale thinking it leads us to nowhere. The boxing students on the first day are asked to practice being alpha Gorilla in a crowded environment,

Lastly, it is about projecting warmth. The easiest way to project warmness is through the windows of our souls, eyes. An eye contact for a few seconds generate the same hormone, PEA, which is being released when people feel love at first sight. Be careful when you practice it 😀

Hope it helps you to become the most charismatic version of yourself!